Alot has changed since the last time I wrote in here. I moved to NYC because I got accepted to Intern at Doghouse Records. I currently live in Brooklyn with 3 other roomies and a pup named Chloe. I work at Backstreet International Merchandise and just got promoted to Product Manager of the US. I have met some amazing people up here and have had some crazy nights. Met celebrities, been on TV a couple times, tried Indian food for the first time!

My love life has definitely changed since the last time I wrote in here. I guess I will start from the beginning.

Robb from SU started a record label called Brightwood Records. He basically asked me to work for him and search for some bands to sign. I was band hunting on myspace and found a band called The Bigger Lights. I thought they were catchy and quite cute. I saw that they were playing at My Brothers Place the same day as the Parrish Family Christmas Party. So I went to the show by myself and planned on leaving from there to the g-parents house. I got to the show and one of the bands didnt show up so the show got extended. I met up with TBL and first spoke to John. I thought he was so cute and nice. I met the rest of the guys and sat by myself for an hour waiting for the show to start. Finally it did. MBP is known for horrible sound... But TBL sounded amazing even with horrible sound. I was so impressed. To be honest I have not been that excited about a band since The Graduate. They were so intriguing on stage and made me bobble (which is always a good sign) I waited for them to get their equipment off stage so I could say goodbye. John met up with me and we said our goodbyes and said we would keep in touch. We had some off and on myspace message chats but nothing too special. 2 weeks later I moved to NYC. I was in Doghouse and all of a sudden heard a band being played and I started singing along to it. Keep in mind I was the middle of a convo with Nuwan and started singing lol. Im gay. Anyways I was like WHOA I know this band and it clicked it was TBL! And Dirk was listening to them! I ran in there as fast as possible and was like "uhm are you listening to the bigger lights?" he was like yea why? do you know them? so i was like yea and told him how amazing they were.

I messaged John when I got home telling him about that little event. He thought it was cool and told me that they were coming up to CT for a show at Trackside and asked for me to come up. So Ashley and I made a lil trip up there. It was a great night... John and I were basically together the entire night. I was quite smitten by him. After that night we talked a good amount on myspace. Long messages that lasted days. I was kinda bummed cause I knew he had a gf so I didnt let myself like him at all... I just thought he was a sweet guy. Well some business things were happening and we ended up being around eachother alot for a month. They had a strew of dates in the NY area and they stayed here at the apt one night. John slept in my room but on the floor. Everytime we were around eachother we would always be standing next to one another or playing. The next morning they left to go up to Columbia University to go set up for their show. It is in northern Manhattan. I met up with them before the show and John snuck me in the back . We all just hung out and made fun of the odd space kids that were there. John and I were talking and some how we got on the subject of his gf. He made it a point to tell me that he knew that she was not the one for him and he didnt see it lasting that long. I could tell he made it a point to tell me because we got interuppted while talking about it and as soon as that person left the convo he went right back to telling me about the problem. That got me pretty excited. Well I saw them a day later at their last NY show and it was alot of fun. It was at Knitting Factory and kids ate them up. Well 3 days after our relationship convo he broke up with his gf! I actually didnt know this until that next Saturday when I went home.

That Saturday was the day of the Hamilton show. The Apathy Eulogy, The Hint, The Bigger Lights, Aniston and Dropout Year played. It was my fave Hamilton show because everyoneeeeee was there. It was nice to see all of my Baltimore people. But anyways. I was with TBL alot especially John. At one point we were standing by the merch table and Emilio came over and scooted John away from me and stood in the middle of us. John then did the same thing to Emilio and it was a circle of it and finally John got Emilio to leave him alone and it was back to just us. I brought up to him that we were suppose to drink together next time we hung out... and that night was the next time we hung out so we needed to drink! Well he told me he had like 5 stella's in the back of the van. So we went to van and each drank 2 1/2 beers. We were just talking for a while and ended up kissing :) I stopped and was like "whoa what about your gf?" and he said "well thats why it was a hard week... I finally broke up with her". That made my day. We basically just sat in there and made out for a while... saw a cop outside walking around with his gun out haha (fake dunkin donuts robbery). We went back into the show and he went to his band and I went to Jac n Julia. They were like "why are you smiling so much and where have you been?!" lol it was cute. Well we cleaned up Hamilton and the boys were about to leave. John pulled me in the hallway and gave me a goodbye kiss and said he would text me later. And yet he did :)

Ever since that night we have talked almost every day. He asked me to come down and see him so it worked out perfectly because I was going to see Tiff last weekend anyways. So I got to his place in VA on Thursday. I met his mom who is a doll and we just hung out and watched movies. The boys all live in the same house. They were tracking alot of new songs so some times he would have to go do that which doesnt bother me at all. His band is the priority and his job. Well we had alot of fun together. The next day I left for NC to visit tiff with the girls which was amazing. Then Sunday the girls dropped me back off at Johns and I stayed there one more night. It was really nice :) Monday I left around 1 and went home for a couple hours.

At this point we have been talking for a month but we have neverrr talked about anything that has to do with "us". I have been taking it slow cause I dont want to scare him away or be pushy because he did just get out of a relationship. But one thing I can tell about him is that he is really mature (hes 24). He is not all about be a playa playa and actually cares about people. I know he likes me and I def like him. We are both really shy when it comes to that stuff so I think I need to make a little push to figure out what he is thinking. On Tuesday they will be back up here in CT for another show at Trackside. I plan on talking to him about it there... I am so nervous and afraid and excited? It is either going to go very well, good, or not so good. My expectation is to just know that he does like me and that he wants to take things slow... that is my expectation so I dont get hurt or disappointed. I'm just excited to finally know where we stand and not feel so in limbo. Lately we have been playing this gay game that we wont talk to eachother or be affraid to be the one to get in touch... i'm scared to show him i am into him and he is the same way with me. lol so We had not talked since Tuesday and Tiff told me if he doesnt get in touch with me by Saturday then to call him on Sat. Well it was late Friday night and I got a text from him at like 1 am saying "Whats the square root of this apt?" lol I was like wtf is he drunk?? haha out of all of the things he says to me after a couple days! haha I messaged him back and he was like oh sorry... how are you! haha so we texted back and forth for a while and i finally went to bed and told him i would call him tomorrow. So today around 4 I called him and we talked for like a half an hour. Apparently the first text he sent me that night about the apt thing was a quote from one of the Chappelle show episodes we watched when I was at his house last weekend. haha I was just too oblivious. I thought it was really cute tho... But yea.  so thats whats going on right now... Also I am maybe getting on Warped Tour! cross your fingers for me :)

"I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
And true, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home"
-The Postal Service "Such Great Heights"

Guess who has a interview with Doghouse Records in New York City on November 19th?

ME. i am so excited. i might get the internship for the summer and live in NYC. isnt that crazy. i am so so excited. This is one of my dreams that could come true.

I am really upset though. Sara is not a true friend. She was suppose to come up with me to Mount St. Marys for the Young Love, Say Anything show.... well she texted me this morning saying "i totally forgot that tonight is the You Me and Everyone We Know show and i promised ben and margaret that id go. and julia says it takes long thean an hour to get there"

so i texted her back and was like "uhm so your not coming with me?" and she was like "i feel bad. i forgot that the you men show is tonite. but i dont want you to have to go by yourself." and she said other stuff. i ignored her and texted her back "Whatever". ok she has ditched me many times before. but this is a big deal. she is making me go to a concert by myself. what a bitch. how selfish seriously. she never does anything with me. she doesnt tell me about anything. she is just mean. i am nice to her. i invite her to do things. yea no more. this made me go over the edge. im sick of being walked all over and treated like shit. this really really hurt my feelings. she left me alone to go with people she sees all the time to see a local band she sees all the time. i am not speaking to her. i have never felt like this before. i have never been treated like this before other than when i dated jason. she always says love youu an i dont answer because i dont love her. i barely like her. she is just so mean to me and says rude things to me and cuts me down. i hate it. i would almost almost rather live with the evil twins right now than her because at least i didnt speak to them.

so im driving up by myself and haning with teh boys by myself. fuck her she is missing out on a fun night. scott and rachel might come hang later.

Alot has happened I think.

I'm applying to like 10 internships for the summer.
The companies are:
-Alternative Press Magazine (#1 Choice)
-Doghouse Records (#2 Choice)
-Crush Music Management (#3 Choice)
-Drive Thru Records
-Fueled By Ramen
-Spin Magazine
-Fuse
-MTV
-Syndicate
-Eyeball Records
-Equal Vision Records
-Island Records

I just emailed my resume and cover letter to Doghouse Records :). I emailed Crush Management last nite and Alix emailed me back today asking for me to email my resume and cover letter HOLLER! I was really excited. My resume looks bomb ass because I got my career advisor to help me. Seriously if I get one of these internships I will cry. All I want is to succeed in the music industry. It is what keeps me going... I was so lost before when I was a nursing major but now I feel like I know what I want to do and I'm going for it and I am extremely determined. Look at how much I have accomplished in the past year? I am apart of 4 street teams. Half (2) of them I am street team leaders. I intern already for a entertainment company (but it sucks so im quiting) and I have met and made a good amount of friends in the music industry. Luckily my closest friends are Young Love and they are apart of a major label (Island Records) which is awsome. Seriously I asked Terry (drummer) the other night if I could go on tour with him and he said yes to leave Bmore and meet him in NYC and he will pack me in his suitcase haha. God i was tempted. But for real if I dont get an internship this summer (I BETTER) I am gonna ask to go on tour as a merch girl or something. Or work for Warped Tour. Julia was talking about doing that for the summer. I can see that being amazing but also sucking.... I saw The Graduate last week. It was so nice seeing them. They seriously are the nicest guys ever. Genuinly nice guys and they deserve as much success as possible. I really do beleive their music is amazing not just because they are my friends. ha they brought us up in their tour journal that Alex keeps. Talking about their adventure with Jac and Julia and how the brought the baltimore crew (us) to dc to see their show. They are going on an awsome tour in Dec with Spitalfield and The Forecast!!!!!! ahhhh and its at Ottobar my fave venue and it is only like 10 mins from my place. Party night!!! thats all I can say.

Lately I have been in such a wierd mood. Or I have been noticing things... Like my roomie ditching me... or hiding things from me. I dont know why. I seriously think she doesnt want me to be friends with her friends. Me, Sara, and Jenna use to go to The Kent every wednesday. nope not anymore. Havent been in a good month or two. When Sara does go she doesnt tell me or says she is doing something else but "some how endedup there" bull shit. Or doesnt invite me to do anything that ever has anything to do with Jac and Julia... Scott has really became my best friend up here. I can talk to him about everything and he plays. He likes to have fun and isnt serious all the time. He knows when to work and he knows when to go crazy which I like. When i first moved here I felt comfy and felt as though I had tons of close friends. I mean I know that I have close people here but like someone who is truly like a friend I can hang with everyday? I feel like I only have 2 or 3. For real it would be Lizzie Poo of course, Scott and Ricky oh and Casey!. I mean I am close with Jac, Julia and Sara but i dunno. Maybe I am thinking too much. But it has really been bothering me lately. I think I just miss Tiffany really bad. It is hard not having my best best friend here with me. I have Liz but me and Tiffany have this different connection. When I was at Jac and Julias last night I saw how they talked to eachother and stuff and me and Sara dont have that. She is a good roomate but dont have that connection. Jac and Julia are me and Tiffany. That is what I decided. Seriously Tiffany would be so much happier if she went to school here. Fuck money. I think it is worth me spending thousands of dollars to go to school here because I am having fun and living up the college experience. Not just wasting my time at CSM. ugh.

I also havent been able to sleep well the past couple weeks. I dont know if it is because I cant get these thoughts out of my head but something has been bothering me. Maybe because I really just want a companion. It is starting to get hard. 2 years COMPLETELY single? It is hard to deal with. Especially knowing that the person that will work for you is with another person who is a really nice girl and I really like her and she is drop dead gorgeous. I dunno. I do like another guy. We have such a STRONG chemistry omggg. I havent had a chemistry with someone like this in I dont know how long. I just dont know if we could ever be anything official. Because of our friends. Sounds wierd but he isnt really my friends type of person. But I also think maybe that shouldnt matter. Because he is changing. Like he now drinks which is awsome! But also I dont know if he likes me like that or if he just knows that we have a great chemistry but doesnt think it would ever go farther... I dunno. He said he is gonna come up to Towson soon to visit me. Maybe I will see how that goes and bring it up if it feels right. I do want to be in a relationship but I also dont because I dont know how to act in one anymore. Im so use to being able to flirt with band guys ahhaha. I'm excited to see who the new YL merch guy is hahahahaha. Yea mike wont be doing merch for them anymore. which sucks because I think he is fun but yea.... But yea so I want a boyfriend. I havent wanted a boyfriend in 2 years but now I am ready I think.

The next week and a half is gonna be CRAZY. Tomorrow I leave to meet Tiffany at Mary Baldwin College. WE are partying there then on friday going to JMU to party with our friends and for HALLOWEEN parties!!! this is one of my fave weekends of the year! I cant wait. I cant wait to see Tiffany! and for Me Tiffany and Jessica to be together again. I Miss my muskets. Then I come back on Sunday. Then on Thursday me and Julia are going on a roadtrip to VA to see My American Heart WOOT! Party time. Maybe we will go down with some of the Downtown Signapore guys? Yea but that night will be crazy I know it. Then we come back on Friday and I have to leave again to go to PA to meet Young Love. Sara and Jac are coming I think. Then we are partyin with them and then the next day Sara and Jac are leaving because they have another concert to go to. I think I am staying in PA with YL and riding down in teh tour bus to MD at Mount St. Mary's for their next show and partying wit them that day and night. I cant wait! So they are playing with SAY ANYTHING, Hellogoodbye, Polysiscs? omg if I meet Max Bemis of Say Anything I will die. ahhhhh and that will be awsome for my chances at working for Doghouse Records because they are apart of their label! But im upset because The Color Fred is gonna be at Ottobar with You Me and Everyone We Know and I freaking love Fred omg. I want to meet him so bad. He has beenone of my idols for years. but I feel like hanging with YL is gonna be more fun.

Lately I have been getting into Tegan and Sara. I jsut downloaded their cd "The Con" it is really good. I have fallen into their little cult haha. Also the new JIMMY EAT WORLD album is absolutely amazing. seriously buy it. you will not be upset. it is on sale for $9.99 @ Hot Topic. They amaze me. Seriously the cd makes me so relaxed and alive feeling. When I was leaving lizs house the other night I was heading up 695 to go home and I saw the exit for 83 South and just took it. I drove into the City and it was great. I just forgot all about the bad that goes on the ground and stared at the skyline at the pretty lights and architecture of the buildings. With my windows down blaring Jimmy Eat World. It was great. But I almost hit a guy because I was IMing Nate haha. I was hoping my detour would make me tired but no. So I got back to my apt and colored. Wierd enought that made me sleepy. I love coloring.

This is my update on my life.

-Lonely
-Determined
-Excited
-Poor
-Confused

I will Succeed